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Occasionally you're faced with an angry Associate that
just can't cope with the operation's constraints, or worse, you've
discovered responsibility for an omission or act that is unethical, or
worse, you've discovered a deed that will affect your Company's
credibility or add unnecessary expense. Whether you've discovered a
problem or you've become a target because of a problem, you need a special
skill set to respond to nonsense caused by anger.
When your
anger signal emerges or when you're confronted by an angry Associate of
the same sex, adapt and apply the following skill sets while moving to a
private location.
If you're confronted by an Associate of the
opposite sex, adapt the same skill set while moving to an area where
witnesses are present. Be aware that any personal interaction that occurs
during working hours is subject to oversight and control by the Company.
Attack the Issue, not the Person
Name calling puts people in a position to respond angrily and
defensively.
Name calling is usually used when a person feels they are
losing. Name calling breaks-down communication and destroys trust in
the relationship.
Look at Why you are Arguing
Are you/they determined to win? Is your/their objective to vent
anger. Are you/they attempting to embarrass the other person?
Are you/they honestly attempting to communicate and/or resolve thoughts and
feeling? If you/they demand to win, this argument will not become a
discussion. Listen and Hear
Try to deal with your/their perception of the situation. Be aware of
your/their feelings.
Make sure you/they really heard what was being
said and repeat what you/they heard.
Deal with the Here and Now
Don't refer to past mistakes and incidents. The past is generally
dragged-in when you/they feel that the argument is being lost.
Bringing in past grievances only attacks the other person, causes ill
feeling, and breaks down communication.
Don't make Comparisons to other People, Stereotypes, or Situations
Focus your/their attention on this unique situation.
Give the Other Person Equal Time
You/they need to express feelings and points-of-view to create a full,
mutual understanding.
Don't Blame
Deal with your feelings and take responsibility for them rather than blaming
them on others. Use "I" statements rather than accusation
"You" statements. Blaming causes you/they to become
defensive.
Don't Make Threats
Threats back people into a corner which leads to ultimatums in order to
save-face.
Don't Play Games
A game is being played when you/they are not being direct and honest about
what you/they want or need in a situation. Examples: silent treatment,
uproar, yes-but, if you trusted me, and if it weren't for.
Don't Involve Other People's Opinions of the Situation
"He/she agrees with me"! The only opinion that is relevant
is yours or theirs.
Don't Say "Always" or "Never"
These are usually exaggerations and will put you/them on the defensive.
Admit When You are Wrong
Pride can create a major impasse in communicating.
Recognize Your Anger
Become aware when you are no longer engaged in constructive arguing by
monitoring your body signals: pounding heart, flushed face, headache,
clenched fist, racing thoughts, sweating, tense jaw, inability to
listen...
Take a "Time-Out"
You/they may recognize that this argument will not become a discussion so politely
say
"I need to privately think about this issue so I'm leaving for an
hour." You may not be able to leave the workplace so take your
time-out away from others that may fuel the argument.
Leave for an Hour
Do something constructive like jumping jacks, sit-ups, push-ups, walking,
running, but don't hit anything since that acts-out violence. Examine
your point of view using "I" statements like "I feel
hurt" and "I understand". "I" statements
cause acceptance of responsibility while "you" statements just
attack.
Check Back In
Ask "Is now a good time to talk"? "Can you/they explain
why you/they felt anger"?
Attempt to resolve the problem using
your skill set, but if the discussion becomes an argument take another
"time-out". If you can't resolve the problem after your 2nd
time-out then table the issue for another time and follow-through with that time - try 24 hours.
During that time look for a win-win solution. If you can't resolve the
problem after 3 attempts get help from Company officials. Sit Next to Each Other
Did you know that sitting across the table from each other during conflict
resolution is
antagonistic. If you know you must resolve the issue because you
really need this job or you really need that Associate then sit next to
each other. That doesn't mean you're going to hold hands or take a shower together, just
sit on the same bench or on the same side of the desk or table. If
you're a Supervisor and you must settle this issue so both sides win, offer your chair to your Associate and sit on the other side of
the desk.
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JnF Specialties, LLC
664 Greenscape Lane
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80916
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